let me go ... down (2017)

Réunion, Zürich (hosted by Le Foyer and Wagner & Friends)
Performance in collaboration with Guillaume Trionfo

performer stepping on stage in smoke

Don’t you remember? We are standing at the edge of the cliff together.

performer dancing in smoke

No no no, I am not supposed to become conscious... Or I will sink into a hole of shame. My hole – of shame and of pleasure.

performer and drummer facing each other

My Dear,

It’s been almost six years exactly, and I still long for you. Actually, I’m desperate. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and transformations since our last encounter in California. I discovered the joys and pleasures of short liaisons, yet my loneliness prevails.

I had a dream: an embrace from behind. I remember the sensation – a tingling all across my back. I felt taken care of, as if someone cared about me. I smiled. I was calm and happy. I felt like I arrived. In the arms of somebody. 

I’ve said goodbye to love many times these past years and, yet, I don’t want to be alone. My longing returns like a song that I can’t get out of my head. 

I want to perform for you. I want to give you a show. I might fail, I might not be good enough, but I want to try. I’m ready to humiliate and destroy myself, to become someone new. With you. 



performer in front of microphone with audience
performer talking to audience member
performer dancing in smoke, with audience
drummer in front of candles
performer watching drummer, with audience

Photos © Esther Nora Mathis, Benjamin Egger 2017