let me go ... down (2017)
Réunion, Zürich (hosted by Le Foyer and Wagner & Friends)
Performance in collaboration with Guillaume Trionfo
Don’t you remember? We are standing at the edge of the cliff together.
No no no, I am not supposed to become conscious... Or I will sink into a hole of shame. My hole – of shame and of pleasure.
It’s been almost six years exactly, and I still long for you. Actually, I’m desperate. I’ve gone through a lot of changes and transformations since our last encounter in California. I discovered the joys and pleasures of short liaisons, yet my loneliness prevails.
I had a dream: an embrace from behind. I remember the sensation – a tingling all across my back. I felt taken care of, as if someone cared about me. I smiled. I was calm and happy. I felt like I arrived. In the arms of somebody.
I’ve said goodbye to love many times these past years and, yet, I don’t want to be alone. My longing returns like a song that I can’t get out of my head.
I want to perform for you. I want to give you a show. I might fail, I might not be good enough, but I want to try. I’m ready to humiliate and destroy myself, to become someone new. With you.
Photos © Esther Nora Mathis, Benjamin Egger 2017